Here I Am

We woke up to small amounts of snow on the ground anD snow continued to fall most of the morning. Living in a small Midwest community means the snow doesn’t get cleared until the snow stops falling.

It’s fine unless you drive a 12 passenger van. If you drive a van that size any amount of snow on the ground makes travel difficult.

Two of our boys went to school late today. They have a modified schedule to help hem save energy. They both have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.

I dropped my oldest off first. He walks well enough and keeps his wheelchair at school. This was the first snow since we purchased this new chair. It doesn’t do well in the snow and I left him at school worried all day about how he and it would do.

I took my middle son to elementary school. He needs his scooter to get in and out and around the school. He got his scooter covered in snow. I knew it would it thaw and drip all over the floor, making it a hazardous area where he could fall. A fall could be very bad. We dried the scooter off and then put towels under the scooter to prevent puddles. I still worried all day and could actually picture the fall in my mind.

By the time I got to my class at the YMCA I was 20 minutes late and frazzled.

Then there is my shoulder. About 10 days ago I was loading my oldest’s new chair into the van. I don’t have it completely figured out yet and it opened mid-lift, causing me to shift uncomfortably and catch the chair afraid for it to fall and break. I thought I pulled a muscle in my shoulder.

I took it easy and it sort of felt better. But today I reached a point of pain that has caused concern. I can lift the boys and chairs in and out do the van, but can’t lift my arm above my head. Today putting my arm into my coat caused me to wince.

I’m starting to think I’ve torn my rotator cuff. I’m giving my shoulder the weekend off, but if not better on Monday I’m going to get it checked out. My major concern is that they are going to give me weight limits until it heals and that means I can’t help my boys the way they need me. I hope it’s nothing. I’m praying it’s better by Monday.

I’ve felt run down all week. I think my body was trying to fight off the flu that all my kids had and I’m just fatigued. I’ve stayed home several days over the last 2 weeks trying to recover.

I’ve had a blah kind of day. I’m so thankful for my husband and kids. We had a good family night and that always makes my heart happy.

Today though, especially after driving the van through the fresh fallen snow I almost cried. After my workout at the Y this morning, I got a song from Mass stuck in my head. Except, I could only remember one line. It went, “Here I am Lord.”

I tried hard, but I could not remember a single other word from the song. I thought,”do I really need to say anything more?”

Here I am Lord. I give this all to you because I know you will take care of it as only you can.

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