My mood today can be summed up by telling you that I’m wearing the same pair of jeans I wore the last 3 days and the Earl May sign that reads, “now is the right time to treat crabgrass” made me mumble under my breath “you can kiss my butt.” Like it was adding one more thing to my list of things that aren’t going to happen.
We had a clinic visit last week that didn’t go well. I shared it all on our MRC Facebook page so I will quickly sum it up here, using a word I really don’t like and don’t let my kids use, but in short, it sucked.
Like, literally, I think it sucked some life right out of me. And yesterday we had to put our very loved, wonderful dog down.
I know I keep saying that these last 12 months and now I am amending it to the last 15 months have been rough. But, is has been, one thing after another. Just as soon as we are about to get our legs underneath us, something happens and takes them out again.
I realize that at times I’m losing sight of the joy along the way.
The last two weeks have challenged me and even as I write this my eyes feel swollen and dry from all the tears and physically I am just drained.
But every time I’ve stopped to find the joy, the source of joy has been the same.
A year ago as he was losing and had just lost his dad, I can be honest and share with you that it was rough for a couple of months. We had to learn news ways to be there for one another.
After the loss of my sister, he had to hold me together for a couple of months.
And now as we navigate the changes with our boys and prepare for a different future than we had imagined when we first said, I do, we are in sync.
This is the strongest we have ever been and the strong foundation our family needs. I’ve always thought that we were one of the lucky ones, we found each other when we were 19 and have been smiling together ever since. But what we have now is beyond what I knew could be. We know each other better, we are softer with each other, we try harder to make the other laugh, our hands feel better when they are holding the other’s, and there are times we don’t need words to communicate.
I never knew a love between parents like I experience as a parent. It is a gift given to us that we can give to our children. We may not be able to fix their muscles or give them a big house or fancy vacations, but we can give them a home full of love. That is a great joy to me always, when my heart is aching, and when my heart is rejoicing. It is perhaps one of the greatest joys of my journey.