So I’m up at the Y, riding a stationary bike and I realize it is the only time I have to write this.
I wanted this to be profound and my best writing yet, but I can’t find words of my own.
This year I learned than Duchenne is not the worst thing that can happen. Duchenne has actually brought me mercy and grace this year. The many times I wanted to fall apart because we kept losing ones we loved, Duchenne saved me.
I could not fall to pieces. I had to keep my stuff together for my boys. I couldn’t just lose it. I had to keep track of their care, their appointments and keep on advocating for better care and treatments. The job that Duchenne can be, kept me going.
It was not some inner strength. I am an independent person. It would have been my norm to just keep on plugging away on my own. I would failed miserably.
I had nothing left to give of myself. So I gave it all to God. And through the ups and many downs of this year. It was the words in my rosary companion that kept sounding off in my head. That kept me going on the right path.
Please know that it does not mean I prayed the rosary repeatedly, I should have, I should have leaned more heavily on prayer. But I was too tired. I had nothing left to give and so I gave it all up.
These are the words that kept me going. And they are the words that I will take with me into the near year.
- Start from presence, not impossibility or nothingness or darkness.
- His presence is basis for true joy.
- There is no human circumstance that warrants despair because there is no human circumstance where He is not present and so there is never reason to abandon hope and joy.
- Joy comes from being loved.
- We experience great sadness in life simply because we forget things, like love.
- Anticipation is half the pain and sorrow.
- Anticipation is half of the joy.
I know that I am loved. I know that He is always with me. I don’t ever want to forget love, namely His love. I will never quit hoping, even during the hardest of days. I will always search for joy.
Happy New Year! Prayers for peace, healing, and joy for all of us.