This is my beautiful son Rowen. Today is his birthday. He turns 7. The years are flying by lately. I remember holding this boy when we was just 8 pounds and wrapped tightly in warm blankets. And now, he is in the first grade with plans of his own…trust me, if it’s not his idea, it’s going to be a hard time getting it done.
Rowen is not my first child, in fact he is my fourth of six. Almost 15 years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child I was scared out of my mind. I was a junior in college and up to that point becoming a mother was not something I was sure I would want to be. Obviously, God had planned on me being a mother and I love being a mom. I started loving it the minute the doctor laid a baby girl in my arms.
I did not know that before I held her though. I didn’t know how to be a mom. My relationship with with my mom did not exist at that point. Foster homes and the social service system I grew up in never left me feeling loved.
I was scared I would give my child the same life because that is all I knew. I did not want my beautiful child to ever feel the way I had as a child. At that point in my life, I didn’t see a lot of good in myself. In fact, being a mom, no matter how young or unexpectedly I became one, was the one good thing I knew about myself.
I prayed that my children would be like my husband. I wanted them to be un-scarred. I wanted them to make friends and to laugh as easy has he did. I wanted them to have the confidence that he possessed. I wanted them to know happiness. I did not want my children to be like me.
My first child, a daughter, is her dad through and through. My second child, a son, has his dad’s sense of humor and people are naturally drawn to him, just as they are to my husband. My third child, another son, makes a new best friend everywhere he goes and has never met a person he doesn’t like; just like his dad!
Rowen is not like his dad. He is not like one of his brothers or sisters. Rowen is a force to reckon with (but the good kind though, like “May the force be with you”). He is strong willed. He is independent. He is smart. He is an introvert. There is no reasoning with him; mostly we just spin it so it sounds like it was our idea! He always thinks he is right. He likes to be in charge. He is just like me! After all those prayers asking God to have my children take after their father, Rowen took after me.
God gave me a beautiful baby boy. He gave me Rowen. Rowen is amazing. I see his strengths and his beauty everyday. I am in awe of the way he handles the challenges his disease throws at him. God made him to do this this life. All of those things that Rowen shares with me, makes him exactly the child God wanted him to be. Why can I see that it Rowen and for years I could not see that in me? It is one of those ‘God works in mysterious ways’ things. Rowen shows me good where I used to see something else.
Happy Birthday sweet boy. I am so glad I am your mom. I’m so happy you take after me.